The Bidet

I'm going to try and approach this topic with as much class as possible, but honestly it needs to be talked about.

The infamous Bidet.

I'm not sure why I needed three pictures. Really.

The first one really encompasses my first encounter with the Bidet. Me turning it on to be funny and then water spraying all over my pants. Then walking around for 3 hours as the American who pees their pants.

The second is what I assume use of the bidet in general looks like (or not use). This is a picture from the first flat I lived in when I was in spain. (And yes that is a giant hair-ball in the corner from one of my roommates, nasty but I felt that it really gave that particular picture flair).

And the third I feel really shows what happens when western cultures meets the Bidet.

Before you ask, No. I have not used the Bidet.

I'm not sure why. I think there is a couple reasons.

ONE, I find it intimidating. I'm not really sure how you go about REALLY using it, especially in the proper way because I'm not sure how to straddle this bowl or do you sit? Where I would grab onto.... because of the nature of it I don't really want to be touching the wrong parts and I don't really want to grab someone and have them show me how to use it (the awkwardness doesn't really seem appealing enough) I suppose that's an excuse too because there is always wikihow and the magical internet (http://www.wikihow.com/Use-a-Bidet)

TWO, I honestly didn't really think that anyone used it. Well I didn't before I came into the living situation where I am. I'm not REALLY sure that anyone uses it, but the maid that comes to clean the house washes it, so I'm assuming.

I suppose it's my western mind that if I don't have a bidet in my house SO I don't need it SO no one else needs it....

Also in the US you don't really encounter them, here almost every single house has one.

Which is uncomfortable.

For Example. I meet some cool people. We start talking about fascinating topics, The weather.... current events.... people in the news.... why I speak such bad english. They instantly become enamored with my charm, and we form a relationship and become fast friends. They invite me over to their house, I deny a couple of times but of course they beg me enough so I pencil them in. We eat, hang out, chit chat. Everything is going great then I need to "freshen up" in the bathroom. I walk into the bathroom.... and then I see it. I try to ignore it but it's touching me (small bathrooms in my scenarios). It just is looming in the background. Watching me.

Then my mind starts going.... Do they use it? Does that mean they expect me to use it? Will they think I'm weird if I use it? What if I don't? Do you think they can hear me use it? Are they listening? What if I use it and something goes wrong? How do I use it? What if the water is too hot? Too cold? What are the pre-conditions to using it? What if I use it when I don't NEED to use it, then they'll think I'm weird. Is it rude? Is being from the US a reasonable excuse for not knowing about this? Should I go out there and explain why I'm not using it?

So then I sit in the bathroom WAY too long and become so stressed out that I run out of the bathroom and burst out with an explanation of why I didn't use it. And then there is an awkward silence and after about 10 minutes of us looking at each other I tell them I need to leave and show myself out. I never call them again. They call me a couple of times but I always press ignore. It's too painful. I mean SURE I think about them, especially when I'm lonely, and at night or when I hear that song by Tal Bachman "She's so high above me".... they always did love that song...

But it would be awkward to call.... it's been too long.