My Doctor Visit.

So I went to the doctor today and they needed to take a blood sample.

I don't do that so well. Not that I think I would faint... but let's just say that the last time I had to do it, circa 2007... I cried... and by cried I mean bawled my eyes out and begged them not to do it.

I've grown up a little since then. And this time I went ALL. BY. MESELF.

Like a total grown up.

I thought I would be fair so when the nurse came in, I looked her in the eye and said. "Listen, I really don't like what you're about to do. I'm not going to cry or faint... But I thought I should let you know I don't like it."

She laughed and made me lay down on the doctor table so we could get down to business.

So she's on the left side of me. I'm not looking. It's completely a mind over matter thing.

I seriously still have to put up my hand to cover any needles on TV. It's unpleasant at best.

She sticks in the needle. All's fine in my world. I'm blabbing about how I drove from White Bear Lake to downtown Minneapolis only to remember my doctor office is in White Bear Lake and I had to drive back... typical.

And she goes "OH! This isn't right... Maybe the needle is bad. I'm going to try another one."

FINE. I'm FINE.

Second needle inserted in left arm... 2 minutes go by. Silent minutes this time. If she has the balls to screw up the first time then she DOESN'T get to hear my witty and hilarious stories.

"This just isn't working. Funny... I've done at least 12 of these today... I'm not sure why it's going wrong."

Cotton balls. Tape action. She moves to the other side.

I'm still FINE. I swear. I'm being really Calm. Cool. Collected.

"WOW! Your veins are huge over here! I should have tried this arm the first time."

Are you kidding me?

Third needle makes it's way into my arm.

"Hmmm. It's coming out... just really slow. Let me try to change tubes."

I'm not sure why I looked. It must be that morbid fascination thing. All signs were pointing to 'Don't look' Street. But I decided to hop on the train to "WTF did I just do-ville"

In slow motion (because it's sexy) I look over at the EXACT moment my blood decided to make a break for it and squirts all over her.

I screamed. Loud.

It wasn't that much blood. I'll be fair. But watching your veins open up a can of whoop-ass all over a nurses uniform (you can't get that shit out) is NOT my favorite thing in the world.

She got the blood. I grabbed my stuff, swung open the door and battled my way through the crowd that had gathered around the room.

I've been doing the whole Frankenstein thing since then. Elbows definitely have a purpose. It's so much harder to drive.

I bruise easily too. I know I'm still going to be black and blue till the next time I go in there.

That's just what happened today.

The End.