Water Snob

Water, H20, Adam's Ale.

It goes by many names (though most of us say 'water')

My grandpa pronounces it 'WHA-Tur' when ordering from anyone who doesn't look 100% Swedish.

It's an important substance that makes up 70% of the human body. It's important.

However is it completely necessary to only drink certain brands?

Yah, yah... I've heard Smartwater© has electrolytes... but you do realize you're spending twice as much for a couple words thrown on a label? From a marketing standpoint I think it's absolutely brilliant...

From someone who drinks a glass of the occasionally *gasp* tap water... it's a bunch of BS.

Electrolytes do something... if you are a professional athlete, but to that soccer mom who hasn't worked out in 12 years and ate an entire 'family-sized' bags of Doritos while cutting me off on the freeway... it's about as effective as ordering a 2000 calorie meal from McD's and getting a large "Diet Coke".

The entire population in the U.S. is essentially chronically dehydrated... so if it helps to have the words; smart, Fiji, or electrolytes on the label... go for it. But when you sneer at me when I drink a bottle of Aquafina... this article is an ode to your retardedness.

Picture: "WHAT?! This isn't Evian."

Morbid Facination

Ugly Sweaters. The Hipster's new fake glasses.

Tis the season and I absolutely adore it, however I think it's important to remember that some people actually wear these bundles of joy in all seriousness. Do they think that this fashion statement of yesteryear is returning? Or do they know that it's a mocking trend?

This point was brought to my attention when I was attending the comedy club yesterday....

I have never nor will ever claim to be the most graceful of people. I've done my fair share of tripping down stairs and stumbling over my own feet, but last night I realized an important life lesson.

A woman in an over packed comedy club face planted behind me. As many others surrounding me; I jumped up to rescue this poor woman. (Anyone notice that when people stop laughing at you falling and start acting concerned that you have become old ? - Or at least older)

But she springily jumped to her feet and that's when I noticed "The Sweater".

A greying woman in her mid-50s was wearing a sweater that even Bill Crosby wouldn't touch...

And the point was brought to my attention, that when you wear flamboyant clothing and do something stupid it's a lot more memorable then if you were dressed normal. More then one whispered "sweater" was said and when she swaggered in again shame-faced, all heads turned to see "The Sweater" try to inconspicuously take her seat again.

Every. One. Noticed.

I saw her after the show. People came up to express their concern... Minnesota Nice? Or was is a feeble attempt to see such a hideously knit piece of clothing up close...

California

I went to California mid-February for a week... Here's some pictures that I haven't published yet.

I'm not sure why I chose today to post them. I will say that this trip was life changing in it's own way.... Regrets? No. Would I have done somethings different? Yes.

All of the pictures I'm uploading are of the Golden Gate Bridge. That's not the only thing I experienced there but it's four different views of the same thing....

And that can be taken any way you want but I choose to see it as symbolic of the lesson I learned there and today:

That you see things from one point of view, and maybe you think you're point of view is the best, but until you've seen it from every angle you can't really know...

Osama: Because everyone is doing it.

Now I'm going to write what I think about this.

Sometimes I get really disappointed by people. The death of Osama was one of them... And please comment back because I would really like to hear what people think about this.

If I was to claim a political party it would probably be republican, though I try my absolute hardest to be objective when reading something and no I am not always perfect. But I try.

So yes I did vote for McCain. I didn't think President Bush was the greatest president but I also don't think he's an evil mastermind that blew up the twin towers to go to war for oil.

So when I say that I'm really disappointed by the celebration that's going on after Osama's death that's where I'm coming from. Yes he did do what I would consider evil in his life but when I'm flipping through the channels to see 20-somethings chanting "USA" over and over again like some sort of frat party on ground-zero.... I really think some people are missing the point. The death of Osama was a symbol for some. It might have been a relief for some but I think we need to keep in mind that just because we see ourselves as the good guys doesn't justify that it's okay for us to celebrate death over a man and criticize the other side for doing the same thing....

I agreed with President Obama with his quote "Justice has been done." Because it has... I think it's time to move on.

In other news I have a new favorite drink: the Bin Laden. It's 2 shots followed by a splash of water.... tastes like that joke was too soon.... HEY-O

That last sentence was me trying to lighten the mood after a political post... uncomfortable..

Sometimes I don't write.

Sometimes I do.

Most of the time I'm not writing it's because of laziness or that I don't really have anything to say.

Actually scratch that last part. I always have something to say. It's mostly because of laziness...

However sometimes I don't write because I'm not sure of how people will take it. Or that I'm afraid of what someone might think, or say, or judge me.

But I think it's important to remind myself that I write for me not for somebody else.

But I'm scared to lose my funny. I mean... what if I write a post that's not as funny as some older ones I wrote.... what if I was never funny and I'm the only one who thinks I'm hilarious? I just think that if I post something that's not as funny as some of my older things, then it will take a new reader even LONGER to scroll down to some of the stuff actually worth reading... then where would we be? And that's a fear of mine in a nutshell.

Truth: what a tasty little morsel.

Have you heard about this? Do you know about this?

So this is new. Apparently the Zodiac Chart was all wrong and now they have completely redone it by adding new dates, a new sign and even "lap days".

I put the source of this on the bottom for those who want to read it.

I'm just going to start out by saying this is really dumb. I mean seriously. I want to know how much money that this stupid new chart and research is going to cost or has until this point.

I'm not a hater on horoscopes, I've have read my fair share of predictions/definitions etc about life. I don't define myself from it but it's not a channel unexplored, let's put it that way.

But there are people who are going through an IDENTITY CRISIS and BREAKDOWNS because they don't know who they are anymore.

*Let's take a moment of silence to ponder that*

So the facts. Basically I'm not a Taurus, I'm now considered an Aries. Well this is my take on it.... Whatever truth I thought horoscopes had aka similarities in my life that the vague discriptions of the horoscopes matched is now COMPLETELY blown.

What about dating websites that match you by your horoscopes. What about people who MARRIED because of this? Hahaha. Ooops?

There's even a new sign: Ophiuchus.

I think I don't care enough about this nor do a good percentage of people. Do you really have to change it and cause a certain group a lot of distress? Is it worth it? I just feel like this is a big mess that really didn't need to be touched.

Opinions?

Here's the new Calendar:

Capricorn: Jan. 20 – Feb. 16
Aquarius: Feb. 16 – March 11
Pisces: March 11- April 18
Aries: April 18- May 13
Taurus: May 13- June 21
Gemini: June 21- July 20
Cancer: July 20- Aug. 10
Leo: Aug. 10- Sept. 16
Virgo: Sept. 16- Oct. 30
Libra: Oct. 30- Nov. 23
Scorpio: Nov. 23- Nov. 29
Ophiuchus: Nov. 29- Dec. 17
Sagittarius: Dec. 17- Jan. 20

Source (in case you thought I was making this up):

http://www.nbc-2.com/Global/story.asp?S=13828331