Wednesday, December 28, 2011

Water Snob



Water, H20, Adam's Ale.

It goes by many names (though most of us say 'water')

My grandpa pronounces it 'WHA-Tur' when ordering from anyone who doesn't look 100% Swedish.

It's an important substance that makes up 70% of the human body. It's important.

However is it completely necessary to only drink certain brands?

Yah, yah... I've heard Smartwater© has electrolytes... but you do realize you're spending twice as much for a couple words thrown on a label? From a marketing standpoint I think it's absolutely brilliant...

From someone who drinks a glass of the occasionally *gasp* tap water... it's a bunch of BS.

Electrolytes do something... if you are a professional athlete, but to that soccer mom who hasn't worked out in 12 years and ate an entire 'family-sized' bags of Doritos while cutting me off on the freeway... it's about as effective as ordering a 2000 calorie meal from McD's and getting a large "Diet Coke".

The entire population in the U.S. is essentially chronically dehydrated... so if it helps to have the words; smart, Fiji, or electrolytes on the label... go for it. But when you sneer at me when I drink a bottle of Aquafina... this article is an ode to your retardedness.

Picture: "WHAT?! This isn't Evian."

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