Greetings. I hate Hugs.

" Hello. My name is Arielle and I hate hugs. "

I imagine myself standing in a circle of people on plastic chairs. The florescent light flickering with a faint hum. We're encased in a rundown room in an inner city school. Everyone claps for me as I sit down and take a seat. Because my name is Arielle and I have a problem....

Or at least that's how people react to it when I tell people I hate hugging. OR wait. We don't "hate" we strongly dislike... (do you REALLY hate tomatoes Arielle? Or do you just "strongly dislike them"... actually I hate tomatoes).

People go in for the hug. I step back. They make a pouty face. I always will say something like "I don't really like to hug" and then the other person will gasp dramatically... "BUT WHY?!?!?!" Like there is something wrong with me. They believe I should be confined to some mental hospital or join a support group for people who hate affection. It's really not that.

Sigh. The truth is... I hate hugging because I have ape arms.

There. I said it.

I actually do have a really large wingspan. It's above average.... even for my height.

And the truth is it's just awkward to hug with my condition. I mean think about it. Situation 1: 2 people go in for the hug. They both have normal sized arms.... the wrap around each other, squeeze.... BOOM. It's done.

My problem is with my arms being significantly longer then the average person by the time I wrap my arms around them they are already pulling away, they already did the squeeze. Then I'm left holding onto them like some sort of freak. Then I have to explain about how my arms are like monsters... and for any of you Arrested Development fans I was thinking of this is my head - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CVke__4OZ-0

and that's how I lose all my friends.

Or how about the "fug" the "fake hug" like that one you do in the car when you don't know how to leave people.... or greet them.

That's why I feel like Europe really knows what's going on.... The kisses... One on each cheek. It's truly the simplest and best greeting/parting thing I could think of. But if I tried to do that here... Oh wait. I did.

When I was a zombie at a Halloween party... Sure I may have had a little to drink and didn't think about it at the time. But I giggle a little when I think of how many people at the party left with some red corn syrup and peanut butter mix on their face... hehe.